I’ve decided I’m going to consider writing again. The skill of calibration is a complex skill and it’s always a work in progress. I will attempt through the course of multiple posts to break it down in many different ways. When it comes to mastering skills sets the thing a person wants to do is to create exercises for themselves for improvement. The difference between a student and a master is not one of giving up practicing. The student has the exercises for improvement handed to them. The master makes them up for themselves. There’s different types of calibration, I by no means claim to be an expert. I’m merely a student who creates their own exercises for themselves. So let’s talk about basics. There’s a concept in geometry of congruency and incongruency. Something can be said to be congruent or incongruent. Congruent can be thought of as coinciding. Incongruent can be thought of as not coinciding.
There’s two time of incongruencies/congruences that you look for. Let’s remember first we are all walking contradictions. Life is too complex to be totally consistent. It’s too complex. There’s sequential and simultaneous congruities and incongruities.
A sequential is when someone says or does 1 thing at one point in time and at another point in time they either do the same thing or something different. Say so I say that I believe in honest and that people should not lie. I say that today. Tomorrow I say I believe lying is okay. That’s a sequential incongruity. In one sequence I say/do 1 thing, at another point in time I do/say something different. Or I say lying is a great thing and it’s useful, and then tomorrow I tell a lie. That would be a sequential congruity.
A simultaneous congruity is when I say that I like you, and at the same time my body language and the actions I engage in are the type of behaviors that match what people might typically do when they like someone. A simultaneous incongruity is when I say I like you and I give you a finger or I screw you over. There’s a mismatch. Verbally I say one thing and my actions indicate otherwise.
If you have to choose between verbal and nonverbal (actions specifically), if you have to try to decide which response to pick to make decisions based on, you always privilege actions over words and let them prove with their behaviors, make them prove you wrong by DOing something else. Always privilege actions/behaviors over words.